Tuesday, July 6, 2010

a wish. . .

I wish sometimes that I could send my personality in for a tune-up. I would fill out things on a little yellow sheet -- "God, fix these things here, okay? Clean out the junk here. Tighten this up." I would send away my personality express in a padded envelope, maybe sleep for a couple days while it was being worked on, then get it back with a receipt of repairs performed.

I was thinking about that this morning, when I decided that it a definitely a personality defect that I usually dread rather than look forward to meeting new people. What's up with that? I worry about looking like an idiot -- but man, it's not like I can really avoid it.

(I'm not in deep trouble yet, but I see myself beginning to repeat some social patterns of last summer that didn't do me much good.)

I worry also because I'm not super-excited yet about planning trips to Barcelona, Granada, and wherever I'm going at the end of the summer. I mean, holy crap -- great opportunity! Opportunity of a lifetime, even! Why am I not bubbling over with excitement?

But mainly right now I just feel tired. I think "jet lag" is the only real, physical thing I could blame this on, but my personal opinion is that moving, even temporarily, knocks the crap out of you. Getting on a bus or a plane, even one pointed at Venice or Rome, does not fill me with enthusiasm.

I am optimistic, however -- reading about the museums in Madrid makes me feel a mild but pleasant anticipation. I can handle walking around town. Presumably I will feel more bouncy as time goes on.

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